he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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