apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
