You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
