I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
