Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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