im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
