dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
