she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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