I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
