why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
