i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
This baby is an asshole
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
