I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
