idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Green mimosas i think yes
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
