my room smells like sperm. sweet.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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