I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
