fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
