I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
