he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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