Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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