lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
