we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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