when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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