i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
