I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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