So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
