you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
