I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
