@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
