Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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