I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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