i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
