Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Why is your signature on my underwear?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
