It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
