Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
