Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You ruined the universe
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
