Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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