I never want to see another naked old woman again.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
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