Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
