this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
