wakey wakey hands off snakey
wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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