Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
