dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
