I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
