and next time when you feel me up, do it right
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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