Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
