U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Never let your siblings swipe right.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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