I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
