I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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