if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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