That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
