I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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