That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
