You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
